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May 02, 2008
Friday
1. DAVID HORVITZ: THINGS FOR SALE THAT I WILL MAIL YOU
For every $1 you give me I will look out at the Pacific Ocean for one minute for you. If you give me $1 I will watch the ocean for one minute. If you give me $345 I will watch the ocean for 345 minutes. I will send you the exact times and location I did this, as well as a photograph. If you give me under $10 I will send you this via email. If you give me more than $10 I will send it via postal mail.
Yes! Via Finny.
2. Bills rookie offensive tackle Demetrius Bell is the son of the motherfuckin Mailman, Mr. Karl Malone. Cool, huh? Actually, no - cause Bell's biological didn't bother. It's fucked up, too, as The Buffalo News' always-stellar Allen Wilson documents:
Bell is the son of Malone, but the Mailman had no role in Bell's success except passing along athletic genes.
The two have had very little contact during Bell's life. His mother, Gloria Bell, reportedly was only 13 years old and Malone a college sophomore at Louisiana Tech when Demetrius was born. Malone might have served jail time had her family asked the district attorney to file criminal charges.
Bell didn't even know Malone was his father until after graduating from high school. When they finally met, Malone told the 18-year-old Bell it was too late to be his father, and that Bell would have to "earn his money on his own."
In a 1998 story in the Salt Lake (Utah) Tribune, Gloria Bell said, "Demetrius is ashamed that his dad doesn't claim him. But I've told him it is not his fault."
Malone also fathered twins while in high school. One of them is WNBA star Cheryl Ford. It took years to claim the twins, and now he and his wife, Kay, fully accept them as part of their family.
But what about Demetrius? Doesn't he deserve the same measure of love and recognition?
Emphasis mine. Shit is fucked up. Fuck you, Mailman. I hope Demetrius Bell becomes a goddamn Hall-of-Famer for the Bills.
3. Anal bleaching? Seriously? I had no idea such a practice existed. Wow.
4. THIS WEEK IN GANGSTA:
a. Taking his cues from vintage Nas, 18-y-o would-be high school bomber Ryan Schallenberger told a sheriff that he wanted to snuff Jesus:
An agent with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives testified that the teen told a sheriff he wanted to die after his arrest.
"He said death was better than life," Craig Townsend said. "He told the sheriff he wanted to die and go to heaven and once he got there, he wanted to kill Jesus."
And how sad and mom is this?
Prosecutors also played a 911 tape of the teen's mother calling police after he smashed his head into a wall two days before his arrest. On the tape, she says her son threatened to shoot police if they came.
"He's not going to do it," Laurie Sittler told the operator. "He's just got a bad temper."
b. 300 lb. inmate sues the county because he says the jail doesn't feed him right. Dude's lost a 100 pounds already! HE'S TRYNA LIVE!
c. 20-y-o Penn State student can't get student loans cause his mom has bad credit. Instead, dude sells coke - and gets busted. Straight A business student, too. Sad shit. Hold on to the movie rights, kid.
Thanks to Brains for the links & the concept. T.W.I.G. may become a regular thing here at el stence. Send in your tips. Nothing too far in either direction. You'll know it when you see it like Potter Stewart.
6. NY Mag interview with GTAIV co-writer reveals that early concepts for the game could have included a virtual Buffalo:
How did you pick which areas of New York to feature?
We went from maybe doing the whole of New York State. And then it was just Manhattan, then it expanded out again and was going to be a bunch of suburbs, maybe like Westchester or out to Long Island with woods so you could go bury people. We made lists of what must we keep, what can we drop, what's got to be there, what can we smash in together. Like how we don't do Staten Island and do New Jersey: we would all vote on it. We didn't want to offend anyone in Staten Island, but you get the same suburban neighborhoods in Jersey, plus some factories and stuff.
Also, this is dead-on re: NY radio:
How have the radio stations in the game improved?
We went basically from about eight or nine stations in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas to eighteen different radio stations this time. We wanted [the news station] to feel like 1010 WINS, so we got one of the main voices [John Montone] to be our news reader. Problem is, in New York now, you can't find seventeen radio stations you want to listen to. We tried to get stuff that would feel like what you would want to hear if you came to New York. Not necessarily what you do find here, but what you ought to hear if it was like the way you'd imagined it.
God that's so fucking true. For the most part, NY radio is a huge disappointment, at least outside of hot nine seven territory.
Relatedly: NY Mag (again; I can't help it that they're kinda running shit) on why the comparisons of GTAIV to classics of other mediums (like, say, The Godfather) are necessarily odious. And GTAIV Etch-A-Sketchist.
That's it from the sea of Grand Theft Auto coverage; god knows it's been all Niko Bellic and Jeremiah Wright this week in the national media. Also, be advised that I am very much enjoying the game, although I have only sunk an hour or two into it thus far. THE PAVEMENT LOOKS SO REAL. THEY EVEN HAVE THOSE METAL BOARDS OVER THE POTHOLES. AND IT LOOKS APPROPRIATELY DIRTY. Also, Goodbye Horses (even though they're two years too late; Ayres was right when he called it the 2006 song) and Isley Brothers. And Niko's accent is the new Borat. And I haven't even met the Jamaican dudes yet, but I have had digital sex. Finny was sitting next to me. Brave new world, etc etc.
7. One last note about the Bills. I love this blog entry today about 6'6' rookie wideout James Hardy from Chris Brown, the Bills' in-house press dude:
HARDY'S HEIGHT IS LEGIT: Seeing Hardy out on the field he's at least a head taller than almost every other player. What's crazy is wearing jersey number 81 it makes him look even longer. That one on his jersey just seems to lengthen him all the more. I imagine that will look all the more intimidating to a smaller cornerback lined up on the other side of him.
God what an awesome entry. A long 1. I might have to cop a Hardy jersey on the strength of the intimidating long numeral.
8. Time 100 Covers: Finalists. Also via the indispensable Finny.
Posted by caps at May 2, 2008 10:56 AM